I am far too hard on myself.

I beat myself up over every little thing that doesn’t work out perfectly. I get depressed about silly little things and just throw my hands up in desperation. I think about it too much. I analyze every little thing, but when it doesn’t add up (or it adds up to something I’m not wanting to deal with), I get frustrated. I get to a point and then start to feel sorry for myself, and just start spiraling downward.

It’s all very silly because it’s all self imposed.

If I’m so critical with myself regarding things that are not so great, why don’t I celebrate every success I have?

Have I conditioned myself, or been conditioned by the general medical population, that every high or low BG is some sort of a failure, and one that I am or will be judged on? Is that why I get nervous as heck waiting for my endo to come into the exam room? Again, how silly is that?!

Have you heard about the “dial tone” analogy? There are a whole lot of folks at the telephone companies that work very hard to supply each and every phone with a dial tone the very instant that the receiver is picked up. We take that dial tone for granted. We don’t appreciate the dial tone until one day we pick up the receiver and there is no dial tone – at which time we usually get a little angry, cursing the phone company! Rather than miss it when it’s not there, shouldn’t we appreciate it every time we pick up the receiver and hear that dial tone?

Are decent blood sugars that much different than the dial tone? Should I not pat myself on the back for each and every time I do well?

I’m much too hard on myself, and that is not mentally supportive. I am going to try to lighten up, take a couple deep breaths, be thankful for the “not so far out of range” numbers, be less judgemental, mentally reward myself for making it through unfamiliar scenarios in one piece, take a few steps back, and take one day at a time.

 

2 Responses to Lighten Up Already!

  1. Caro says:

    How right you are. I really empathise, and sympathise.

    I don’t know either why it is so difficult to reward ourselves for achievements, but so easy to do ourselves down for things that are less than perfect.

    It is particularly silly that many of those uncelebrated good times are the result of things we actually do well – correctly adjusted basals, correctly counted carbs etc. But mnay of the less good results are caused by things that are totally out of our control.

    I tend to go through cycles of self appreciation and self deprecation, but it helps me to try and rememeber what I was told as a child “Blood glucose results are just a number, not a reflection of your self worth”

    Good luck at being kinder to yourself. You need to know how very much you deserve it.

  2. Andrea says:

    You know, it’s kind of sad that we tend to remember more vividly the disappointing or difficult moments in life. I’m not sure why that is. I don’t know if it’s because those moments evoke more of an emotional response or what exactly the case is, but I wish it were the other way around. I wish those happy moments were the ones that stuck out in our memories.

    I am definitely guilty of this. I tend to focus/dwell only on the negative things and then it leads me through a downward spiral. In the past, my parents hae even said to me that perhaps I enjoy being sad or upset. At the time, I thought that was absurd. But I think it’s possible. Some people thrive on negativity…

    Saying that, I don’t want to be one of those people. I want to be happy and enjoy life. I think that means, sometimes, taking a step back and putting things in perspective. Also, taking the time to appreciate the little things. Instead of searching out every disappointment (something I tend to do too much)…take a moment and try to see the good in things. It’s not easy to change your whole perspecitve, but I think it can make a big difference.

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