Bah! I’m frustrated.

I had my quarterly endo appointment today.

That’s all. End of post.

Seriously though – everything was great EXCEPT my A1c. I rung in at a very surprisingly high 9.2. Shit.

I have been doing SO GOOD lately. And I don’t mean just the past couple of weeks, but for a while now. I’ve got so many things running through my head that go along with this surprise that I’m having problems organizing my thoughts! Time for a list.

1) Last A1c at this doctor
2) Last A1c at the U of M
3) G.E.C. (Good Eating Control)
4) W.T.F?! (What The Fsck (any unix heads out there?) )
5) Play by play
6) Resolute

1) My last A1c at this doctor was 9.0, down from 9.3 in April of 05, but still too high. Time to buckle down and focus.

2) Maybe a month and a half ago I had an A1c done at the University of Minnesota for a study I’m in. It came in at 8.5. Still too high, but good – HUGE improvement from 9.0 or 9.3. To drop .5 points is big. That progress felt about right with me feeling like I had been doing better.

3) I’ve talked before about how I eat too much and too often. Matter of fact, my blood sugars would often not have a chance to come down from my last meal before I was shoveling more food down the hole! I have reigned that in big time. Trying to eat regular meals at regular times, avoid snacking in between, etc. I am doing much much better with that.

4) How can I post about running high ALL DAY yesterday (like above 300) and the very next day bitch about a high A1c result. I know, I know. But I REALLY feel like I’ve done so good lately, with days like yesterday being an exception.

A figure who looks frustrated and upset5) So, there I am waiting for the endo to come in. I’m feeling good. Like “I know I have kicked serious ass the past 3 months and I’m going to be real happy with my A1c result”. I damn near fell over when he read the result. I even confirmed with him that he had the right “Scott Johnson” (how many could there be? Lots.)! I explained my surprise and he told me not to worry about it. He told me to just keep plugging along doing good and the A1c results would fall into line. He’s right and I know it, but I’m so damn frustrated!

Why do we feel like that stupid A1c result is a personal judgement of our latest trials and tribulations fighting with diabetes? I’m not a bad guy or a failure just because my results were higher than they should be – but it really shocked me, and quite honestly I feel a bit deflated. It takes SO MUCH willpower and discipline to stay off the snacks – what’s it all for?

6) Resolute – firm in purpose or belief; characterized by firmness and determination.

I will not quit. I am strong and I can do this.

Get posts by email?

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

4 thoughts on “Bah! I’m frustrated.

  1. Scott, boy, do I understand your frustration. There are times where I feel I’m doing a good job trying to stay healthy- that is eating well, exercising, taking my insulin as I should- and I still am not having the results I think I should be having. Then I get emotional and angry, I do feel like a failure which, for me, is probably a control issue. That is, when I have these crazy numbers, I feel out of control, and I hate that feeling.

    Recently, I had my own A1c reading. I was shocked to hear it was a 6.7. I honestly felt it would be in the 8 range, at least, b/c I was having a lot of highs. However, I guess I was having both extremes and the lows were balancing out the high numbers. Now, I don’t think having rollercoaster numbers is a good thing- I think that there is still damage being done, but I was relieved to hear my average.

    Now I’m working on keeping my levels more even and not so erratic and crazy. I don’t want to jinx myself, but so far I’m doing ok. I’m paying more attention to what I eat and trying to be better at carb counting too. Plus, I test at least 4 times a day too. At some point, I want to test my basal levels, but it involves skipping a meal and it’s hard for me to do that- I love food too much. However, I’m sure it will be worth it, so I probably will do it eventually.

    I’m definitely no expert in this disease, but I have a couple of ideas for you.

    One: test more. How many times a day do you test? If you test more often, you can catch any lows/highs and treat them more quickly- which is better than not knowing where you stand and keeping your levels too high.

    Two: Keep a good log of your blood sugars and a food log. I think when you keep a log, it keeps you focused more on your goal. Plus, it can help you identify any patterns in your blood sugar- which you can bring up with your doctor.

    Three: See a Dietician. I have always believed that diet is the hardest part of managing this illness. We all slip up when it comes to diet for one reason or another. However, if you have someone who can advise you on what are good meal choices- it can really help.

    Then of course, there’s exercising, getting enough rest at night, and taking your insulin/meds as you need them.

    I hope this doesn’t come across like I am some know-it-all. I’m just trying to help and I hope this does in some way.

    Take care 🙂