Bah! I’m Frustrated.

I had my quarterly endo appointment today.

That’s all. End of post.

Seriously though – everything was great EXCEPT my A1c. I rung in at a very surprisingly high 9.2. Shit.

I have been doing SO GOOD lately. And I don’t mean just the past couple of weeks, but for a while now. I’ve got so many things running through my head that go along with this surprise that I’m having problems organizing my thoughts! Time for a list.

1) Last A1c at this doctor
2) Last A1c at the U of M
3) G.E.C. (Good Eating Control)
4) W.T.F?! (What The Fsck (any unix heads out there?) )
5) Play by play
6) Resolute

1) My last A1c at this doctor was 9.0, down from 9.3 in April of 05, but still too high. Time to buckle down and focus.

2) Maybe a month and a half ago I had an A1c done at the University of Minnesota for a study I’m in. It came in at 8.5. Still too high, but good – HUGE improvement from 9.0 or 9.3. To drop .5 points is big. That progress felt about right with me feeling like I had been doing better.

3) I’ve talked before about how I eat too much and too often. Matter of fact, my blood sugars would often not have a chance to come down from my last meal before I was shoveling more food down the hole! I have reigned that in big time. Trying to eat regular meals at regular times, avoid snacking in between, etc. I am doing much much better with that.

4) How can I post about running high ALL DAY yesterday (like above 300) and the very next day bitch about a high A1c result. I know, I know. But I REALLY feel like I’ve done so good lately, with days like yesterday being an exception.

A figure who looks frustrated and upset5) So, there I am waiting for the endo to come in. I’m feeling good. Like “I know I have kicked serious ass the past 3 months and I’m going to be real happy with my A1c result”. I damn near fell over when he read the result. I even confirmed with him that he had the right “Scott Johnson” (how many could there be? Lots.)! I explained my surprise and he told me not to worry about it. He told me to just keep plugging along doing good and the A1c results would fall into line. He’s right and I know it, but I’m so damn frustrated!

Why do we feel like that stupid A1c result is a personal judgement of our latest trials and tribulations fighting with diabetes? I’m not a bad guy or a failure just because my results were higher than they should be – but it really shocked me, and quite honestly I feel a bit deflated. It takes SO MUCH willpower and discipline to stay off the snacks – what’s it all for?

6) Resolute – firm in purpose or belief; characterized by firmness and determination.

I will not quit. I am strong and I can do this.

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Scott K. Johnson

Patient voice, speaker, writer, advocate, and Senior Community Manager at Blue Circle Health. Living life with diabetes and telling my story. All opinions expressed are my own and do not necessarily represent my employer’s position. Read more…

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