I’m Not Angry Anymore…

A while back I posted about feeling a lot of anger around logging.

I went through about two solid weeks of really really struggling with it. I mean, I was genuinely pissed off about it – and not really sure why.

There were a lot of very useful comments to that post, and I really got a lot of value from them.

One of the things I did was to just spend some time “in” that anger. Not working too hard to analyze it or try to work through it, but to just be aware of it. Maybe even paying attention to what part of logging was triggering me (which I never really figured out) – but not trying to change anything.

Near the end of the second week – after I had struggled through my action plan to log a certain number of days, I just started to feel better about it. Nothing really changed, at least that I can think of, but like a storm cloud clearing to reveal sunny skies above – my dark mood lifted.

Angry to happyIt was not that I was magically and suddenly happy about logging – but rather a calm realization that it does help my (attempted) management, and an acceptance that I just had to do it.

I do believe that there will be times where I go through “rough periods” where that anger comes to the surface again – that just seems to be how it works for me – ups & downs, back & “forths”.

I think though that I can minimize the down times, and get back on top after just a short time of that anger stuff. Normally I would set an unrealistic goal and try to totally eliminate those times. I don’t think that’s possible though.

Maybe coming to terms with the fact that there will be times where I’m angry, and to be Ok with short periods of it – that may be what has helped.

Kevin was generous enough to share an excel logbook that he uses (thanks Kevin!!). I like it quite a bit. There’s a lot of room for free form notes, along with space to record up to four BG’s per hour, carbs, boluses and basal rates. Each workbook has a tab for each day over a one week period, with some additional tabs for some averages (broken down by weekday/weekend), and a nice line graph for each of those tabs.

I still use my paper logbooks, but not as much as I used to. I pretty much only use those when I’m not at work – where I just plug them right into the spreadsheet.

I’ve found them very valuable while I’m playing basketball – the graph is so helpful because I can get a visual on how fast my BG is rising or falling. That visual is very important for me.

Then, once back at work, I’ll go through the log and/or my pump and plug the information into the spreadsheet.

I’ve been using this “combination” method for about a week and a half – and it’s working well for me so far. I feel somewhat liberated by not having to carry that little checkbook sized book around, along with it’s pen or pencil – I mean, what good is it if you have nothing to write with!!

Until next time!

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Scott K. Johnson

Patient voice, speaker, writer, advocate, and Senior Community Manager at Blue Circle Health. Living life with diabetes and telling my story. All opinions expressed are my own and do not necessarily represent my employer’s position. Read more…

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