I Don’t Deserve This High

I did everything that I am supposed to do, according to what I’ve been told.

I followed all of the “rules”.

I counted all of the carbs.

I checked my blood sugar.

I did all of the math.

(68g carbs / 7.5g per unit = meal bolus) + (current BG (163)- target BG / 35 mg/dl per unit) = total insulin to cover my meal and bring my slightly elevated current BG down to my target BG.

My “meal” was two vend bags of wheat thin crackers from the machine. Maybe not the best choice nutritionally, but it’s not like I had a snickers bar and pop tarts for dinner. And it wasn’t really a meal, per se, but rather an afternoon snack.

One hour and forty five minutes after eating I check my BG.

Insert the strip, poke the finger, squeeze the finger, apply the blood, BEEP, watch the little animated symbol, BEEP, a mumbled “mother fuck” escapes my lips, 303 mg/dl.

I probably tested a little bit too early, a fair amount of insulin on board yet, I did have a heck of a time battling lows during basketball (that’s fun – I’ll tell you about it someday), I may have had some exercise ketones floating around, but when I checked there were none showing. Lots of possible reasons to be running a bit high, but 303 mg/dl is uncalled for in my opinion.

Is my infusion set working? Did I reconnect it properly after showering when I was done with basketball? I surely would have noticed an eleven and a half unit bolus if I wasn’t hooked up correctly, right (puddle of insulin, wet clothes, the smell of it)? So what gives? Was my food choice really that bad? Maybe, but it seems like a lot of “punishment” for wheat thins.

Is it necessary to be trying to “figure it out” for an entire lifetime? Is there a point where one can stop troubleshooting things? A point where things run smooth? Enough already!

There are still so many unknowns to diabetes, and living the life with it is a never-ending source of blogging material.

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19 thoughts on “I Don’t Deserve This High

  1. Even with all my advice and so called knowledge I had a WTF day today and I bolus and try to move on, but that is not the issue, because before I move on I always wonder about the damage I am doing, not sure how much more my body can take afterall I have been struggling for 40 years with this, WTF. 😉


  2. Scott – this is one among many of your posts that resonate with me. Some days, I can shrug off those WTF moments, and others drive me up the wall. Counting carbs, correction factors, etc. are the best tools we have, but they are so far from being the whole picture that it’s not even funny. The list of what we can control about this disease has increased, but the list of what we cannot is still incredibly long. I refuse to eat the same damn things every day, exercise at the same and intensity, and so on, so choose to live with a certain amount of volatility. I accept responsibility for that and fortunately my pump helps me pick up the pieces fairly quickly. But when we are trying to be “good” and make at least a less bad choice from the vending machine, sometimes we just expect better. Rant on brother!

  3. Hey Scott,

    Why not try the hospital you were at for the date of your diagnosis? The hospital I called was more eager to give me info than I thought they would be–with just my name and DOB. I did supply a time frame for them, but no ss# or letter needed. And as if that isn’t enough in a couple of weeks I will have photocopied records from that week I spend in the hospital.

    It’s worth a shot (I really didn’t think they kept info that far back).

  4. WTF moment this morning for me dude. I went to bed with a 158 that I corrected for and woke with a 376! WTF!!!!!

    Anyhow, I hear you and I want the “troubleshooting” to stop. When will everything get to a point where what is supposed to work, actually does! (double yoo tea eff???)

  5. My life is a perpetual WTF….it never really lets up…..The best I can do with a high when Ive done all I can to avoid the high (outside of never eating) is to correct and move on with my day…..And then maybe avoid the offending food in the future. As long as Im not tempted by said food at night, at which point, I lose all self control….I guess wrong 75% of the time, but my motivating factor in continuing to keep trying is that Im still alive, and I AM getting it right 25% of the time, okay, maybe only 15% of the time, but still…

  6. Hmm. If you’re not supposed to eat when your BS is high, I suppose I should have been starving myself for the past 2 years! 😉

    I get those WTF moments all the time, whether my BS is sky-high, or sometimes it’s normal and I feel either low or high. Sometimes all I really want is a device that takes the WTF factor out of diabetes care. If I can’t get a cure, it would be nice to stop being so confused!

  7. That sounds like me when I eat Doritos…it’s my weakness and I rarely eat them anymore. They push my bg so high it takes hours to get it back. I was so excited when they came out with the 100 calorie pack doritos. I thought I could have a pack, know the exact carbs (only 14), and enjoy a small snack of my favorite thing. No such luck. Sometimes you just gotta have ’em though. I ahve found that eating cheese with the wheat thins can slow the raging high, letting the insulin kind of catch up.

  8. You know, it’s even more frustrating when you eat “good” food – say a sandwich and salad – on the same whole wheat bread as always, and then go to 370 for no apparent reason. I’d stop eating food that makes my BG unpredictable, if there was any that didn’t.

    Stupid frigging disease.

    Hang in there.

  9. This is more for the commenters who asked what Wheat Thins contain. High fructose corn syrup! I used to eat them all the time before I became diabetic; they were delicious. Now I wonder why a cracker needs sugar.

  10. All I can say is that I totally get where you are at. I had a WTF day yesterday too! You didn’t deserve it, not me either, and how many others had the samething happen to them just yesterday? My WTF experience is continuing today! I WISH it was possible to not analyze everything to pieces! Just deal with the mess and clean it up. WHY do we so naively continue to think that if we understand the cause/causes the occurences will stop?????!!!

  11. I hear ya, friend.

    It is miserable sometimes, putting so much energy in, only to have all that thought and testing and care boomerang back and smack you in the face.

    And in spite of it, we keep on.

    Amazing, aren’t we?

    (word verification: sksDRAT)

  12. I agree with what pretty much everyone has said. First off, Wheat Thins are hard to eat. For whatever reason, they are like these 100 calorie packs of cookies that I bought at Trader Joes. They say that they have 18g of carbs in them, but when I bolus for them, I always go high. I don’t know what it is in them, but it never fails.

    As far as it getting better goes… I cannot wait for the day where I don’t have to think about what I’m eating. But until that happens, I will keep on counting and getting angry when my count is off. Hope you’re feeling better!

  13. Don’t you love those “WTF” moments (as I call them)… not. I think as diabetics, we have all had them, unfortuntey. I guess it’s just one of those things we have to come to expect from time to time. Don’t let it get you down- I think the best thing to do in this situation, is to treat/correct as best as possible & move on 🙂

    Hang in there!

  14. Scott, we all have bad days. Sounds like you were on that proverbial rollercoaster that we all hate.

    Best advice I can give you to just forget it and move on.

    Also, you may try packing some lower carb snacks or something with some protein to fuel yourself without relying too heavily on carbs alone for energy or hunger relief.

  15. “Is there a point where one can stop troubleshooting things? “

    I love it. That’s exactly what’s been pissing me off of late!

  16. You also mentioned fighting a low during baskeball earlier in the day – is is HIGHLY likely that the high BG was more a result of that than from what you ate.

    There is something called the Somogyi effect where your body rebounds from lows causing highs. If you are curious do a search on google and you find out all about it!

    Don’t blame yourself! There are just things we can’t control!


  17. I really hate to comment on this, because I know we all know what to do and I think we hate when it is pointed out especially by a fellow diabetic, but here goes. Wheat thins are the worst, kind of like oj for a low, they raise the bgs fast. Another point that you probably know already, that we should never eat on a high bgs. I know I know 163 is not that high, but it is best to eat on a bgs below 100 you will end up with a much better outcome. Last but not least by no means and something that was pointed out to me by a fellow pumper that is on Medtronic sensor is that he has noticed how long it takes for insulin to really kick in, sooooo it would help you before any meal to bolus 10 minutes before you start eating, not always an easy task. Hang in there as I soooo feel your pain and the never ever ending struggle.