Just for the record, my diabetes management has been absolute crap for the last couple of months (plus).
I think it is some kind of mourning period from my last A1C surprise.
Really high blood sugars and a “poor me” attitude have left me feeling tired and cranky, irritable and angry. I feel like I’m coming through it now, but damn, what a ride. I’ve been trying to eat it all away which makes me feel even worse after the first 10 minutes of food induced pleasure.
This period of acute depression is downright paralyzing, and when I fight up the strength and energy I apply it in a rebellious way rather than productive.
It dawned on me that I go through this period of mental struggle after every “bad” A1C result. It takes me almost a full three months to pull out of it, lining me up for another shitty A1C result. The difference seems to be that I expect this one to be crap, and can then get on with life. It’s the ones that surprise me that throw me off balance.
With that recognition, and about a month before my next blood draw, I’m working through the last bits (I think) of bad attitude and moving on.
I can really identify with how you feel. I’ve just come through about six months of the same internal turmoil. I’ve come to the conclusion that diabetes has a mind of its own sometimes. I get myself really stressed out about a1c in the weeks before it’s time again and that stress does a number on my numbers. My a1c did improve this last time. My doctor had a little talk with me about setting realistic goals because I aim at “perfect” far too often and then am crushed when it doesn’t happen. I write about my diabetic journey at… Read more »
Scott; you’re no worse than anyone else. Mind you, after reading some of the marvellous HbA1Cs of some of the bloggers, I was beginning to feel totally ashamed of my 7s and 8s. And I am a GP ! I think the overreacting to lows and the subsequent seesawing is one of the very difficult bits that you have to make yourself learn to manage; 20gms of carbohydrate is all you need, but it must be fast to start with; then decide if you need any more before your next proper meal.Anyway, your honest comments are very reassuring and helpful… Read more »
Hey Scott, I just saw this post and realize it has been almost a month since you posted it. I hope you were able to pull through this month and are feeling better.
Juggling chainsaws baby….juggling chainsaws
Keep going…….Peace, Bob
Hi Scott—I have been reading your blog for a couple of months now—since the JDRF advertised it—-and really enjoy how honest and touching your entries are. My five year old was dx last year and it is so helpful for me to read your blog to understand the struggles and triumphs that you encounter as an adult with this disease. I hope my son is as resourceful, honest, and hard working as you are as he gets older and more independent. Thank you for being yourself and sharing. Wendy B.
Scott, I read your post and I think, DANG, I do that too. As much as I try and believe that “it’s only a number and it just gives information” it’s so darn hard to not see it as a performance review. It’s like we’ve been living with this blasted disease, wearing a pump, testing, thinking about carbs. We should get at least a B+. Then you get a number that’s higher than your efforts equaled, and it’s a slam. Hang in there. Some day the number will match all the hard work you put in to this disease. …Just… Read more »