Thank you all for the outpouring of love and support as I crossed my 29th year of living with type 1 diabetes. You all never fail to amaze me with the support you offer.
Wendy mentioned that it must have been weird reading through all of those old records, and she was right.
Back in the “olden days”, doctors didn’t always have their notes transcribed, or use computers. So one challenge was simply deciphering the crazy doctor handwriting!
But there was a lot more than that running through my head. A big part of me was very scared to see what “The Doctors” had to say about me as I was growing up.
I don’t remember much about growing up with diabetes, but I when I think back on it, my feelings are of failure and not doing well or trying hard enough. An all time high A1C of 17.6 in August of 1988 (age 13) does nothing but confirm those feelings.
But when I read through my history according to the doctors, there is no judgment or measuring. They did not talk about a young person driving himself straight to a life of complications and problems.
Instead, they talk about a young person who is highly motivated and energetically seeking all the help they had to offer. Someone who is constantly pushing them to move to the next advancement in treatment. They talk about a young person who was not satisfied with where his A1C’s were, and who worked very hard to battle weight gain after changes in insulin therapies.
Wow.
How could their views be so different from mine?
Maybe this says a lot about how overly critical we are of ourselves?
[…] He helped me know my diabetes well enough that it stayed mostly out of the way. He viewed me as the strong and motivated young person, rather than the rebellious and failing young diabetic person my inner critical voice had […]
My all-time high was apparently 15.4 (at age 13, as well, actually). I just found my own medical records, and like you, remember little about those early days. Always enjoy your posts, Scott!
Wow! isn’t it crazy how we total see ourselves vs. what everyone else see’s?
I am glad you where motivated teenager with diabetes. It’s awesome to see your thoughts from back in the day.
I agree, I am one of those people who are too hard on themselves.
Yes, those of us living with diabetes–or those of us who love those who live with it–need more positive affirmations that every effort we make to control diabetes and live our life and all the many ways we feel about diabetes are valid–even when the blood glucose levels are off the charts!
Will the wonderful encouragement and support we can now access online make a big difference in the years to come? I believe so!
i just want to echo what lee ann said.i have been so curious about the other side of the d and never had anyone to really understand
it.the what is are as deep as a well.what if someone had said “scott what do you feel”and then they said “well you are really doing great”how much baloney would that have gotten rid of!!
oh geez