Whispering in my Ear

It’s hard to explain how badly my confidence was shaken after that bad low on Christmas Eve.

I went from a lifetime low A1C of 6.9 in November, to a two-year high of 8.0 in February. Scared? Yeah. Running high? You bet.

That low totally rocked my world, and it’s going to take some time to recover from it.

It didn’t catch me off-guard. It didn’t happen while I was travelling or dealing with some other unusual circumstance. It hit me smack-dab in the middle of my normal routine. That’s the part that stings the most. That I can’t explain it away. That I have to know it could happen again at any time.

LambertFive years ago I wrote that diabetes was like carrying a football player on my back. I still feel that way. But it’s worse now.

He’s whispering in my ear. Planting seeds of self-doubt, fear, and worry. He’s telling me that I can’t do what I need to do. That I’m not strong enough or prepared enough, or careful enough. That he’s going to take me down over and over again until I don’t have it in me to get back up again.

I don’t listen to him. I take his whispered threats for what they are; words coming out of a guy trapped on my back going wherever I decide to take him.

But I’d be lying if I said those words never penetrated. Especially when I’m tired of diabetes, or when I’m frustrated, or burned out, or scared.

It happens to all of us from time to time, right?

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28 Comments on "Whispering in my Ear"


Guest

[…] After nine years, he’s posted on just about everything.  He provides honest discussions of the highs and lows (literally) of blood glucose management.  “Almost every low blood sugar is a bit scary. They (the lows) trigger a …instinctual survival reaction. It’s terribly hard to stay calm and treat the lows sensibly,” says Scott. “I had a handful of bad lows when I was younger where I passed out or had seizures during the night. I also had a low that caused me to pass out on Christmas Eve Day last year. That was the first time in twenty years that I passed out from a low, and it really shook my confidence.” […]

Guest

[…] SJ: I had a bad low blood sugar that caused me to pass out at a restaurant shortly after playing basketball one afternoon. That was the first time a low knocked me over like that since junior high school. It really rattled my confidence. I had a background level of fear almost anytime I was alone, and especially when I was exercising. It took a lot of work to push through that fear, and even today I’m still a bit rattled by it. I wrote about it on my blog shortly after it happened (http://scottsdiabetes.com/2013/01/passed/) and again a few months later http://scottsdiabetes.com/2013/03/whispering-ear/). […]

Guest
2 years 4 months ago

your football player looks like a real asshole

Guest
2 years 4 months ago

Hang in there Scott.. you’re an amazing person and you happen to have diabetes. Some days are truly a pain in the b$$t, but I’m sure you do whatever you can to keep on track.

Guest
2 years 4 months ago

Scott, I can totally relate to you. I am always scared of getting low, which is why I usually my A1C has never been under 7 :(. I haven’t had an experience like you had on Christmas Eve but I hate the feeling of being low so I always tend to run a little higher. But I’m slowly trying (19 years of trying) to be comfortable at a lower level. Stay strong and you will get back to the 6.9!