I was thinking about all of the work it takes to troubleshoot and evaluate where your diabetes management is just not working for you.
The thought struck me:
I don’t want to fix it – I just want it fixed!
That may be where something such as diabetes really is so much different than other conditions. For the most part, it is up to us to “make it happen”.
It’s not a matter of catching it early and having it treated – it’s a lifetime of counting and calculating, lows and highs (blood sugars and emotions) and the threat of scary complications if you don’t do your job well enough.
Diabetes is unique in the fact that we are said to have the ability to “manage” the condition. For that, to some degree, I am thankful. But on the other hand, would it be so hard if it were completely out of my control? My prescribed treatment either works or doesn’t.
It would be more acceptable if the demands of living with diabetes weren’t so unreasonable, so interwoven into EVERYTHING!
What other condition do you know of where there is so much intensive training to better understand the disease – DONE BY THE PATIENT!!??
And what of this is driven by the fear of feeling guilty? If you do develop some complication, is it your fault? Have you somehow not tried hard enough?
Maybe its not even the fear of the complication itself – but the guilt that goes with it? While I’m sure the complications do suck very much, we are taught that we can prevent them if we manage our bg’s well enough! That fact alone almost automatically straps a big load of guilt along for the ride.
To say it is up to me to “make it happen” also sounds like it is an “event”. Something that can be worked for, happens, and is over. Something like that might be achievable. But those with diabetes have to “make it happen” all the time. Every minute of every day.
And who wouldn’t get worn out “making it happen” ALL THE TIME? No mortal human!! Who would not get tired, having their guard up non-stop, forever? Even sleep is something we have to calculate and plan for!
The difference between “fixing it” versus “having it fixed”. The thought just kind of struck A cord with me.