Do you procrastinate too?

I had a really mild (which I define as a very slow moving, just barely below normal BG’s) low blood sugar tonight as I was juggling dinner items in and out of the microwave for dinner.

I grabbed a few handfuls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal. As I ate the cereal I was thinking that even that was probably a bit more than I needed to treat the low. It would get me back up to normal (plus some) as I waited for my Pasta Roni to cool off.

But, almost on autopilot, I went to the cupboard and grabbed one of those evil Little Debbie “Cosmic Brownies”.

Did you know that one little package has 43 grams of carbs?! Zonkers! That’s about, well, 43 times more than what I needed (remember, I already ate the cereal)!

But, I wasn’t thinking like that. I was thinking about how panicky I felt, and how satisfying and reassuring it would be to chomp down that brownie. I knew it would be overkill, and as I was fingering the edge of the wrapper, ready to tear down right where the seams come together, I thought “you don’t need this”, and “put it back, it’s to much”, and “what about working on not panicking?”, and “remember the helicopter“.

“Next time”. As in “I’ll work on it next time”.

Not this time. Because I just wanted to feel better. It wasn’t about that brownie, because I really don’t like them. It was about the urge to eat until I felt better, because I was, at some primitive level, scared and fighting to survive.

Except that in many cases it is really not that serious! I felt the low, I treated the low. I ignored the opportunity to practice control simply because I didn’t want to deal with doing the work right then.

At that moment, for that decision, it was all about working on self improvement later. Much later.