Stuck, Stuck, Stuck. Suck, Suck, Suck!

I need to get something off my chest.

I am in the worst shape of my life.

With major changes in my life routine since my work with Cozmo stopped, I haven’t kept up on my exercise at all.  In fact, without much of a routine, everything is all screwy.  I am getting depressed (not good right before winter!), I am gaining weight, my blood sugars are crazy.

I’m in a bad spot, and that makes me feel blue.  Feeling blue makes me eat more.  Eating more makes me feel worse.  Which makes me eat more.  What the hell!?

If I know that I am in a destructive cycle, and I recognize how shitty it makes me feel, why is it so hard to snap out of?

I feel so overwhelmed by the big picture.  I am completely paralyzed by the daunting mission of turning myself around.  I am afraid that I don’t have the energy I need to push the boulder up the hill.

(One of ) The answer(s) is simple. Walking.

If I know the answer, or at least some way to start working on the big problem, why don’t I just go do it?  It is frustrating and depressing to feel so stuck.

Someone please slap me out of it!  Or get a cattle prod…

Screenshot 2015-01-02 21.42.39

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23 thoughts on “Stuck, Stuck, Stuck. Suck, Suck, Suck!

  1. You know Scott I’ve been sitting on this post since you posted it. I wanted to think of something clever to say or insightful or something. This is what I came up with…. nothing 🙁 I’m sorry. I wish that I could give you some advice or give you words of wisdom but I have none.
    I hear what you are saying. It sucks. Keep working through it. Keep talking about it. Remember that you are not alone.

  2. Just do it? One step at a time? Nah… wouldn’t wash with me, wouldn’t get me motivated. More to the point might be… What’s stopping you from having that motivation? D-burnout? Life-changing stuff? Stress? You just want a rest? All valid and probably appropriate reasons. I don’t presume to know what the reasons are for you.
    George is right, don’t beat yourself up over it. Pat yourself on the back – at least you’re recognising a problem and looking for something to help. Lots of people go way beyond that and don’t care at all. We blog, we talk, we help, we ask. We care!
    Get some help! Maybe someone will be able to give you some of the ‘why’ insight and help you along the way.
    LOL, that’s rich coming from someone who hates exercise more than anything on the planet. But I know why for me – arthritis pain. But I have increased what I do lately (from practically nothing) because I’m seeing the benefits for relatively little effort. It’s taken me years though.

  3. Your post totally hit the spot. I’ve been meaning to get started on my exercise routine for the past few months. I kept telling myself, I’m going to do it today…and of course, I’d end up finding other things to do. Finally, yesterday I got home, changed straight into work out clothes, and hit the gym. No thinking about it, no more excuses.
    That first step is always the hardest. But I figure, making it a part of a daily routine is what works (at least for me). Good luck Scott! We’re all here for you! 🙂

  4. The answer is in there. You know it as we all do. The problem is the motivation, the drive, the power to take that first step.
    You’ll get there. You’ll get tired of this. You will decide that THIS IS IT AND I AM NOT TAKING IT ANYMORE! You’ll fight back and every one of us, especially me, will be rooting you on and helping support you.
    I HATE to see my friends HURT. Take care and do not beat yourself up, you can get where you want to go. You have done it before.

  5. These are some great, helpful comments, Scott. Make sure you are not isolating yourself- so many need similar encouragement and accountability in taking care of themselves. It’s just too easy to do nothing…
    Life changes are hard-a job and routine change starts the downward spiral. Turn that spiral on it’s head, and take steps each day, like Jollymon says ( I love that image of the Winter Warlock) and love yourself for any progress- for although we can’t be perfect, we can always strive towards being just a little closer to our goals each day.
    Take care!
    Robin

  6. I always wondered why we try to push the boulder instead of stepping out of the way, letting it roll down, and then safely climbing up.

  7. Ahhh! I know exactly how you feel. I’m jobless and only going to school 2 days a week. I feel like my routiene is EFFED! And living with my parents after being on my own for 4 years didn’t help any either.
    Thank you to the others who posted comments on this page. I’m sure they helped Scott and others who are feeling the same way and they have greatly helped me!!
    Sarah

  8. I wish I had an easy answer for you. I don’t. 🙁 I find it so hard to keep up with an exercise routine as well. Maybe a bunch of us should make a pledge to exercise “together” – like the “knit-alongs” I often join, but instead we would all exercise. Set goals and work together to reach them. That boulder may be too heavy to push up the hill alone – but with a bunch of us pushing, we can do it!

  9. Scott… I don’t have much advice to give… and I’m not very good at giving “pep talk”… so…
    SLAP!!!!!
    hope that helps =) … now go walk =P

  10. “A body at rest tends to stay at rest. A body in motion tends to stay in motion. ”
    I couldnt agree more. BUT, what do you do when you just CANT get in motion? I dont know. I’ll be honest. You confessed, so will I…..
    I’ve gained 8lbs and MANY inches. The 6 pack I used to have is all flab and doesnt fit into my jeans. I look gross. I feel even grosser. I feel low at 120. My A1c has increased .8 just because I eat nothing but crap all day. I spent alot of days this summer just laying around . My guess, depression. No motivation. Need to change medications!!! All I want to do is eat. Today I went to a second hand store to buy fat girl jeans…..then all I wanted to do was EAT because it was the only thing that made me feel good!!! Thats why we eat!! Its the only thing that feels good right now! SO, we must find what feels good again in order to get the ball rolling!
    No great advice from me…..BUT. I hear ya. I’m with ya. I want to do better with ya! We will! When? I dont know. Baby steps. I started walking the dogs at night again. Thats a start. You have been through ALOT lately. It always gets worse before it gets better. The unemployment, the DKA….I can only imagine all the other stuff in your life lately. You confessed. I confessed….now……lets move on. Hmmmmmm……who goes first? LOL 🙂 ((HUGS))) We will be okay!!

  11. It’s simple Newtonian physics. A body at rest tends to stay at rest. A body in motion tends to stay in motion. Inertia sucks, my friend.
    The hardest thing is to get started. One thing that I do that tends to keep me at rest is think I have to have some really HUGE goal. A really important and big change of behavior! I really must save the world and accomplish all my goals in the next three days or why bother?
    As you can see, I’m really good at this. From my experience, I’d suggest you ask yourself what are you getting out of not exercising? It’s really easy for me to stay at the “planning to exercise” stage and that serves some purpose for me. At least I really seem to enjoy the opportunity to berate myself for not doing it. Then, instead of the huge goal – what are some small changes that you could easily work into your day and how could you make them fun?
    Hugs to you. I know how hard this is.

  12. Hey Scott,
    You are in a tough spot but things will get better. Changing jobs is one of the most stressful things in life! Be kind to yourself and try to keep the negative self-talk down. It can be hard when you are frustrated. My advice is to just take it one step at a time and to set some concrete, attainable (modest, even) goals–write them down! Maybe it’s to get 8 hours of sleep at least 3 nights per week, or to each a healthy breakfast 5 days per week. Maybe one day per week, you can keep a log of your food. Do you enjoy walking? Maybe buy a book on tape (or podcast) that you can listen to while you walk? Maybe instead of thinking, “I must go walk for an hour,” how about just committing to 5 minutes? If you don’t enjoy walking, how about something else active you enjoy, perhaps with friends. What about signing up for a spinning class? (they are great workouts and low impact) You have enjoyed basketball in the past, right? If you can find something that you enjoy, then it won’t be a task.
    Maybe you can have a list of things you would like to do for yourself (sleep 8 hours, exercise 1 hour, each 5 veggies/fruits on a given day), and you could make a goal of doing one of those things each day….
    I know how stressful it is to see yourself gaining weight. For me, it really helps to keep myself engaged with work, training, friends, and other projects. Also, I force myself to hop on the scale every day as a reality check… (This approach may not be good for everyone.)
    Also, as Jennifer said, it can be very helpful to talk with a therapist, especially if you feel you are (or could be) becoming depressed. Your friends care for you tremendously and want to help; but professional therapists have training and experience that make a big difference, if you can find someone that you connect with.
    I hope you have a better day tomorrow. Take it easy.
    -Anne

  13. I can totally relate on the getting stuck thing. I’m stuck, too, but in a different area of my life so a couple of thoughts for you….
    On exercise, I just started a small group fitness class at my gym, 3 days/week, major accountability. And they gave me a meal plan (using the (old) exchange system for everyone!). If I don’t come with a filled out log on Wednesdays, my whole class has to do 10 push-ups “for” me. Ok, ok, I’ll log! Locking in this way is (I think/hope) going to make exercise part of my routine again.
    Last year, I motivated myself to the gym just fine (for a lot of reasons), but I found it helpful to record the time and distance I did on the treadmill or whatever exercise I did in a brief email that I sent once per week to a friend who was also adding exercise to his routine. We never worked out together, just reported that we were doing it and cheered each other on.
    If you want a bit of accountability, without being totally public, I’m game for a weekly email exchange. Heck, we gotta get you ready for the Pancremaniacs! 🙂

  14. Scott- you have to stop thinking about what you need to do, and just do it. That’s it: stop thinking and start doing. Set a time for your walk and just go.
    You don’t have to be pretty to walk- just look at me 🙂 Just get your shoes on and go. You just have to put one foot in front of the other (that’s a song from some Christmas cartoon with that old magician guy… I think his name was the winter warlock or something)
    STOP BEING THE WINTER WARLOCK!

  15. I won’t prod…..I totally get what you are going through. Totally. I just don’t want to deal with any of my issues. I just want to go about my day with No worries at all. Frustrating.
    It helps knowing you are not alone in this but it’s hard to find that internal motivation. So very hard. Frustrating too. I just don’t have it. Some days I am ok, other days….I don’t know.
    Wish I had a better response.

  16. Did someone say cattle prod? Ahem. Think we can find one? Ahem.
    I’ve been there. Sometimes after weeks of avoiding it (like last week), sometimes after months of doing so. It’s difficult, the dance between the D’s.

  17. I think it’s as much as mental as physical thing, Scott. Have you thought about talking to someone? It might be something to explore. I’ve always said the crux of being dx’d type 1 at a young age is the atomic bomb on the self-esteem. It can truly wound you. A simple way to resolve our issues is not in the cards. Sigh.
    I wish you only the best with this.
    Jennifer

  18. Paul McKenna’s “I can Make you Thin” is an awesome book. It’s perfect for those who struggle with motivation. (Like my husband and myself). It’s practical and makes sense and doesn’t require you going on a diet. Cool.

  19. This time of year I always eat more too! I keep telling myself that I’m still nursing and that’s where the calories go. Once I stop in a few weeks I’ve got to change my eating habits.
    I guess my best advice to you is to make a habit of walking. You say that you have no routine? Well, make one! Once you have your workout routine, other things will fall into place. Best of luck!

  20. Get your buttinsky up and out of the fog and the recliner and hit the trail, or just take a trip around the block and breath. Cattle prods don’t work, you’ve got to do this yourself, and you KNOW you want to. If I could I’d come and drag you out for a trail blaze. You don’t have to push a boulder up a hill, just for now tie your shoes on! Wasn’t walk your simple step?!? Take care, Scott.

  21. hello my friend.i hear you on this one,so i cant help,im just going through the motions it feels like.i need a spark to fuel the fire.and a constant supply of fuel for the fire.i dont know whats worse .pretending everything is ok or just giving in the deep dark gray!!
    lol that was not exactly a pep talk was it!!just want you to know you are not alone!!!
    take care my friend and hope to see you soon