Screw It! I’ll Just Eat The Rest…

Image of a can of Campbell's Tomato SoupA while back I wrote about a fight I had with a can of tomato soup (which I lost…).  Tonight I had a similar experience with my dinner.

I took a shot of symlin then put together my meal.  I programmed my meal bolus to be spread out over 90 minutes (because of the symlin), then sat down to eat.

As I got to the last part of my meal, I just didn’t want to eat anymore.  I was perfectly satisfied with what I had eaten, and wanted to just toss the rest.

You probably already know, but I’m totally guilty of over-complicating everything.  This is another great example.  Or, maybe you will all tell me that I am normal in how this played out, and that you probably would have done exactly the same thing (please!).

I wanted to throw the food away, but then my “diabetes mind” started working its curse on me.  Here’s the “play-by-play” (prepare for a  long, run-on paragraph — just like it happens in my head).

I had eaten about 75% of my meal.  I was running an extended bolus, so I had time to stop it.  But then what?  Then I would have to re-program the bolus for the food I had eaten.  But what about the insulin it had already delivered?  I would have to subtract that amount from the calculated total.  In order to get that number (the amount already delivered) I would have to jump through an extra menu or two – no big deal, really, but it is extra “stuff”.  Do I need to worry about the 30 minutes it took me to eat my meal?  I mean, I started a 90 minute bolus 30 minutes ago.  Now I need to start a new, different bolus, with a whole new set of numbers.  Do I program this new bolus to go for 90 minutes?  That doesn’t seem right.  So then I would program it for 60 minutes (the original 90 minus the elapsed 30)?  I don’t know?  This is a late dinner, so I’ll probably be going to sleep in the next few hours.  I’ve been disturbed by lows the last two nights in a row, and am tired.  I don’t want to deal with another low.  If this were lunch, I’d probably just skip this food and have a snack later to make up for it.  There are two things I can do to avoid a low blood sugar later.  I can do all of these calculations to re-adjust my bolus, or eat the food.

As we all know, this stuff runs through our brains in about 2 seconds.  It’s like we’re playing chess, trying to plan our move. Checking for vulnerabilities we’ve opened up by moving, and reviewing the position our move will put us in.  Even though it happens quickly for us, it is indescribably exhausting.

The real bitch of the whole thing?  I went low not even 40 minutes after I finished eating, so I could have (should have!) waited to take my meal bolus anyway.

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Scott K. Johnson

Patient voice, speaker, writer, advocate. Living life with diabetes and telling my story. Patient Success Manager, USA for mySugr (All opinions expressed are my own and do not necessarily represent the position of my employer).

Diagnosed in April of 1980, I recognize the incredible mental struggle of living with diabetes. Read more…