Angry About Exercise

I think one of the secrets to decent diabetes management is management … of priorities.

November of 2010 I had the best lab report I’ve had since I was in my early 20’s.  Best A1C, bestBasketball is FUN for Scott! cholesterol, best everything.  I hadn’t made any purposeful changes to my diabetes routine, I wasn’t testing more, I wasn’t counting carbs better, I wasn’t watching what I ate any closer than usual.  But I had been exercising like crazy.

I was been spending three to four hours per day at the YMCA playing basketball and lifting weights, and I felt great.  I am lucky to have found an exercise that I really enjoy (basketball).  While playing basketball I am having fun, and that’s why I do it.  It just happens to be great exercise too.  How lucky am I?

I had no job(s) though, and that doesn’t last for long. The bank account has been empty (or negative) for a long time,  and I needed to find some income.  I’ve been super stubborn about trying to find something I can put my heart into, something that helps people with diabetes and supports my family at the same time.  But I haven’t been able to find anything.  I’ve had to put my dreams on hold for a while (if you have a job/contract/project I can help with, let me know!).

Since then I’ve picked up about four part-time jobs, only a couple of which I like, and none of which pay enough of the bills to let me drop any of the others.  It’s terribly distracting and I feel like I’m being pulled in a million different directions, leaving me at less than my best for any of them.

Worse though, is that I haven’t played basketball or lifted weights for two weeks.  And I can feel it.  My body hurts, I’m crabby and irritable, I’m not sleeping well, my blood sugars are volatile and sharp.  I’m just not happy.

I let some bullshit part-time jobs creep in and take priority over my exercise.

There is a lot of tension and anger because I feel trapped in many ways.  I have to support my family (earn income), and I have to take care of myself (exercise), but I feel like it’s nearly impossible to balance those two things.  I can work all the time to make ends meet, and fall apart physically (and mentally), or I can exercise a lot and not have enough money to pay the rent.

I am re-prioritizing my life around exercise again, with faith that the money side of my life will fall into place somehow.  I am going to try my best to keep my guard up against all that tries to creep in and pull my focus away from what is important.  I am important.  My health is important.  My diabetes management is important.  And for all of that, exercise is important.

We can always sleep in the minivan…

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Scott K. Johnson

Patient voice, speaker, writer, advocate, and Senior Community Manager at Blue Circle Health. Living life with diabetes and telling my story. All opinions expressed are my own and do not necessarily represent my employer’s position. Read more…

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