Mortality and Rest

I need to get this off of my mind.  Because my blog started as an outlet to deal with the often hard and unclear emotional mess diabetes brings, I somehow feel it best to do it here.

My best childhood friend’s dad passed away recently, and the funeral is tomorrow.   My friend lived just around the block from me, and his dad also had type 1 diabetes.  It didn’t really strike me, until recently, just how much of a comfort that must have been to my parents as I was growing up.  It was his heart that got him, and I can’t help but think about the role diabetes played.

I’m having a lot of trouble dealing emotionally with this funeral, and it sucks.  It’s unfair for me to be upset when this approaching day is not at all about me.  And to blog about it?   It feels altogether inappropriate and completely appropriate all at the same time.

When my time comes, I want you to celebrate that I don’t have to do this exhausting diabetes thing anymore. I will finally have some peace from the constant attack that diabetes forces into every waking (and sleeping) second of my life.  I will finally be able to rest, without worry about my blood sugar, food, insulin, exercise, guilt of imperfect control, or when diabetes will sneak a punch through my defenses.

I live tired.  No. I live exhausted.  I think it may be fair to say that all of us with type 1 diabetes live exhausted.  There are but two ways to relieve that exhaustion.

I wait patiently for a cure (I have not lost faith), but we can only hang on for so long.

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89 Comments on "Mortality and Rest"

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nate
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Hello Scott – I think it is healthy and good therapy to blog your feelings about diabetes! I have had t1 diabetes for over 43 years. I just found this site so this is my first comment. I would like to share how I have felt about having diabetes all of these years. I think there is another side that should be considered: I felt like the Lord gave me diabetes as a gift. I know that may sound strange but diabetes helped me be more health conscious and introduced me to lots of friends at a diabetic camp in… Read more »
k2 / kelly2k
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I love you Scott, I really do. Thank you for sharing what was in your heart and in your head. It took incredible courage to put your thoughts into words and I am so grateful that you did. Yep, diabetes is exhausting! And processing the death of someone you loved who had diabetes that will knock the wind out of your sales, ASAP. I get it. I’ve lost 4 people in my immediate family to type 1 diabetes/ illnesses exacerbated by their diabetes, including my sister and my father. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think… Read more »
Amylia Grace
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Damn it, the waterworks just won’t stop! You have a way with words.

Saltmarsha
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Scott, you are remarkable. I am touched by the number of comments and all the expressions of love and support for you and for all of us. This exhausting life is not for wimps! Thank you so much for being a beacon of hope and love and caring.

Michael
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Hey Scott,
I totally get it too and I’m happy you had the courage to put it out there.

Guest

Thank you Michael.

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