I need to get this off of my mind. Because my blog started as an outlet to deal with the often hard and unclear emotional mess diabetes brings, I somehow feel it best to do it here.
My best childhood friend’s dad passed away recently, and the funeral is tomorrow. My friend lived just around the block from me, and his dad also had type 1 diabetes. It didn’t really strike me, until recently, just how much of a comfort that must have been to my parents as I was growing up. It was his heart that got him, and I can’t help but think about the role diabetes played.
I’m having a lot of trouble dealing emotionally with this funeral, and it sucks. It’s unfair for me to be upset when this approaching day is not at all about me. And to blog about it? It feels altogether inappropriate and completely appropriate all at the same time.
When my time comes, I want you to celebrate that I don’t have to do this exhausting diabetes thing anymore. I will finally have some peace from the constant attack that diabetes forces into every waking (and sleeping) second of my life. I will finally be able to rest, without worry about my blood sugar, food, insulin, exercise, guilt of imperfect control, or when diabetes will sneak a punch through my defenses.
I live tired. No. I live exhausted. I think it may be fair to say that all of us with type 1 diabetes live exhausted. There are but two ways to relieve that exhaustion.
I wait patiently for a cure (I have not lost faith), but we can only hang on for so long.