Never Quite “There”

Medical caduceus symbol with a big letter D on itI’m not a huge “road trip” guy.  I’ve never mastered the art of enjoying the trip. Instead I’m usually focused on reaching my destination so I can be done driving.  I’m always glancing down at the clock or the odometer to see how much driving is left.

I just want to get there.

I recently moved, and moving is another one of those things.  It is a HUGE job, but you are motivated to finish by the finish itself!  You know that the big heavy boxes and furniture will, at some point, be all moved and you won’t have to lift them anymore.

With diabetes, I’m just never quite there.  I never feel like I’m doing well enough, trying hard enough, living smart enough.  I expressed my frustrations a long time ago, and really nothing has changed since then (over two years ago).   I’m still frustrated.

I believe that most other things have a start and finish.  You engage in a big job, you bust your ass, you finish, and can proudly look back on what you have accomplished.

Why does living with diabetes feel so different?

My first thought is because it never ends.  It is forever.  Is that why?

Maybe that has something to do with it.  But I don’t feel the same way about something like physical fitness.   Maybe it is because I don’t get kicked in the teeth when I stop to take a breath.

Attitude has more than a lot to do with it.  But there are times I just can’t conquer the negative side of things.

I think that I have to find a way to enjoy the trip while I’m driving.  I have to find a way to know that every little thing I do is helping, and that there is no “end”.  I have to know that there will be setbacks and unexpected detours, and not let that stop me from driving and enjoying the scenery along the way.

Maybe I pull off at a rest stop for a minute to stretch and get a fresh Diet Coke, then get back in the saddle.

Anyone have a AAA guide for this trip?

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Scott K. Johnson

Patient voice, speaker, writer, advocate. Living life with diabetes and telling my story. Patient Success Manager, USA for mySugr (All opinions expressed are my own and do not necessarily represent the position of my employer).

Diagnosed in April of 1980, I recognize the incredible mental struggle of living with diabetes. Read more…