Why?

I want to open up my head to everyone a little bit, hoping for some thoughts on why I did what I did.

I was doing some basal rate testing on Sunday, and was fasting until about 2:30 PM. I got some decent data from the test, but was downright hungry since the moment I woke up until the moment I finally ate something.

I very carefully orchestrated the activities of me and the family to land us at the door of Old Country Buffet precisely at 2:30 PM. Can you see where this is going?

I was so hungry that I was intent on putting a dent on their buffet line, blood sugar be damned.

Sure, I did make an attempt to bolus for what I ate, but accurate carb counting when freestyling like that is not one of my strengths (not that I can’t do it, I just hate it and rebel against it with wild LADCS boluses).

So I ate, and ate, and ate. The thing is, the food there is not good. In fact, it is barely one notch above bad.

I let the hunger totally bully my “know better” and sweet talk me into doing it, regardless of the uncontrollable blood sugar that comes with eating so much food.

Why?

I paid for it with high blood sugars for what seemed like days. And I knew full well that would happen before I started, but went right on ahead anyway.

Why?

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17 thoughts on “Why?

  1. This might sound grotesque… but I think of all the different people (possibly sick people) breathing over the food, and handling the buffet utensils. Then, I just order something really nice for myself as a regular order and avoid the buffet. This prevents me from getting seconds and I still feel full. But of course… some restaurants do “buffet only” now so it can be difficult to order in sometimes! Don’t beat yourself up, just treat yourself occasionally so you won’t binge all the time.

  2. As others have said, your honesty and openness is refreshing. Scott, we all struggle with this. My daughter has Type 1, not me, but I do the same damn things as you!
    .
    .
    Those dots are pauses while I look right at the empty plate from 2 key lime pie pieces I just at at 3pm today. Why? Because I have no self control and wanted to dammit!

  3. Sometimes I just have to do this to get it out of my system. Then I’m fine. I figure if we don’t do this all the time, then we’re okay, right?

  4. Scott, like the others have said, we do it because we are HUMAN and feel the need to release the control diabetes has over us.
    Don’t beat yourself up over it. It happens to us all.

  5. I ask myself that same “Why?” on a pretty regular basis. I guess because I’m coming from the COE perspective, my first question would be to ask myself what I was hoping to stuff down with the food.
    “I was so hungry that I was intent on putting a dent on their buffet line, blood sugar be damned.”
    If it were me, I think that suggests that I intentionally manipulated the situation to put myself in a place where it would be excusable and even expected to overeat. Maybe it was just one of those days that I want to eat what I like and to hell with diabetes, or maybe I would be eating to avoid some other feelings.

  6. You did ’cause you were HUNGRY! 🙂
    I hate basal testing.
    But sometimes it’s just because you want something. I rarely eat french fries. I will go 6 months and not eat them. The other day I had to have some. I was craving them and ate a large order. The were good. I spend 2 days getting my blood sugar back to normal. Sigh.

  7. Dear Scott,
    You did it for the same reason I celebrated my birthday today at work a day early as I am off tomorrow (turning freaking 50).
    I started with a lovely piece of homemade cheesecake at 8:00 a.m. that my wonderful friend made for me, yes she knows I am diabetic, which I overbolused for to the tune of 58, felt giddy, and moved on to a dunkin donut to correct, that another coworker brought for me, then I moved on to lunch out, eating a wonderful chicken salad & cheese grilled sandwich, on healthy 7-grain wheat bread (full of carbs), and to a honking pile of perfectly deep fried, french fries. 146 two hours after but…… (upping my basal for 2 hours and a mega bolus)…….forgot to test again at 3 hours as I know the fat would kick in and was 186 5 hours later, so that means I was high all afternoon. 🙁
    I am freaking 50 and that is why I did it. Food is how we celebrate, that is why, even if the food is good or bad.
    I felt like crap most of the day and knew I would but I did it anyway, I am freaking 50!!!!

  8. I hear you Scott. Why, oh why do we do this!! (guilty on many occasions myself)
    One behavioral theory I like is William Glasser. He said that all behavior is purposeful. That everything we do is for one of these 5 reasons:
    1) power
    2) fun
    3) love/belonging
    4) freedom/choice or
    5) survival
    I’m sure that he would say that it is about power and freedom/choice.
    I think that we should just allow ourselves to fall off the wagon sometimes without feeling horrible about it. Nicole said it… we’re human.

  9. …you were buffet waylaid:)
    mmmmmm…..cheap chocolate cake…and lots of it woo hoo
    pump pump pump pump……pump pump pump pump
    Like my truck at the Chevron station!!
    Cheers……..Bob

  10. Dear Scott,
    Love your honestly, love your writing – you are a joy to read!
    Your column really makes me reflect – thank-you!
    We all have moments of doing exactly what we know we shouldn’t do – For me, I screw up when I’m leaving unaddressed some anger, sadness or frustration (daily torments of the D life). A thousand excuses, some more legitimate than others but the real question is – WHY am I being so self-destructive? After all, when we’re balanced and happy we do not act in self-destructive ways. It’s a personal choice to work on this issue, but as we’ve learned with diabetes, we’re totally and solely responsible for ourselves. It’s a big responsibility but it’s also an opportunity to get clear and to focus on the total relationship between our mental, physcial and spiritual selves. Certainly, if we can’t control our bad behavior, even when it leads to guilt and it doesn’t seem worth it, we need to figure out why we’re behaving this way. Maybe it’s a great thing that our self destructive behavior gets to us a lot quicker than other peple because it can be great incentive to work it out and become a fuller human being.

  11. I do this alot too. I was a “binge” eater before being dx’d at age 28……you could never tell by looking at me. I think for me, I do it because it feels good (at the time) to be so “carefree” Except, that doesn’t really make sense when you feel so crappy after. The stomache, the guilt, the high or the low the binging caused. Eating fills up all my other emotions that are going on. I do recognize that, but yea….I would actually like to know the truth of why we do this!

  12. Scotty J –
    So far, everyone’s comments are right on the mark!
    * Your human, not just diabetic
    *Buffets cause over eating no matter who’s in line – we payed for said buffet, and we are eating everything in site
    *Diabetes totally causes OCD! I won’t even get into my test strip OCD issues – totally OCD insane
    Also, I think that when we fast, be it for our Dr’s blood work, our basal rate, religious holidays, or just because we said we would! Murphy’s Law makes us want to eat everything in our path. Brussel Sprouts even start to look appealing during a fast!
    As far as OCB, I’m not really a fan. However, had the buffet involved Red Robin, or my favorites: fajitas, nachos, and guacamole – “Oh My!”
    I wouldn’t be responding to your post right now because I’d still be gorging at the buffet !
    k2

  13. Partly it’s because, like Amylia says, it’s there and “we’ve already paid for it”… partly it’s because diabetes makes us OCD, which makes us at times a bit bipolar. Deny us too often, and we go in the other direction and binge. It’s the nature of the D beast.

  14. I always ask myself, “Why do you make the choice to jeoparize your body just to please your taste buds.”
    I do this too dude and I think Nicole is right. We are humans first.

  15. Probably because you’re human before you’re a diabetic. You know? Most people give in to the “dark side” in their day to day life. Cutting in line, running red lights, speeding, stealing paper clips and post it notes from work. It’s our nature to want to break the rules. And it’s certainly our nature to want to satiate our hunger – diabetic or not.
    That’s just a theory, though…