What if it’s not enough?

A small breakthrough just happened for me.

I’m sitting here, low (64 mg/dl, for the record), and feeling every bit of it.  I’m shaky, panicked, jittery, hungry, unsettled, and a bit scared.

I have treated, with a few of those bite sized candy bars (Snickers and Milky Way) from my neighbors cube (yes, she has the best candy dish in the office, and yes, she would just HAVE to be MY neighbor).

Now I’m supposed to wait.  I’ve never been good at waiting, and in fact often over treat.  Now I know a little bit better why I do what I do.

My thoughts were working through this low, and hit a crucial question.

“Ok, I’m low.” and “I feel scared” and  “I’m safe.  There’s food and people around, plus I’ve already treated.” and “Don’t freak out” and “you can wait it out”.

Then the killer question; “But what if it’s not enough?

The panic hit me so hard that I could literally feel it.  The urge to pour my neighbor’s candy dish right down my throat, wrappers and all, was almost unstoppable.

What if it’s not enough?

I need to figure out how to work through that question and arrive at a solution my brain won’t sabotage the next time I’m low.

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Scott K. Johnson

Patient voice, speaker, writer, advocate. Living life with diabetes and telling my story. Patient Success Manager, USA for mySugr (All opinions expressed are my own and do not necessarily represent the position of my employer).

Diagnosed in April of 1980, I recognize the incredible mental struggle of living with diabetes. Read more…