Greatest Doctor’s Lines?

My good buddy and I were recently talking about the greatest lines we’ve heard from our doctors.

He was telling me about a visit some time ago, when he was struggling with his control.  The doctor was looking through his downloaded reports and lab records, and being a bit of a smart ass, shook his head a bit then looked up at him.

Doc: “You wear a pump right?”
Buddy: “yes”
Doc: “is it on…?!”

What is the greatest line you’ve heard from your doc?  Was it good natured, or was it intended as a jab at you?  How did you respond?  Were you offended, or did you shrug it off with a nod of recognition and new determination?

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17 thoughts on “Greatest Doctor’s Lines?

  1. I am not living with diabetes, but I am a diabetes educator, Nurse Practitioner, and diabetes coach. I am appalled at what you all have said (except for the Oreos and the F-bomb :>) and I am reminded why I wanted to become an NP. Too many medical people who just don’t get it!
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  2. Not what he said, but what he wrote…
    Went to see a new endo after my old one moved away. Before the visit, had to fill out 17 pages of history/questions. One of the questions was “Will you consent to a vaginal exam today?” (I didn’t feel this was necessary since I visit my gynecologist annually) I answered no. When I got a copy of the report for my GP (which was also sent to my insurance company), he indicated the following:
    “Patient non-compliant as she refused vaginal exam.” He also wrote, “There is no explanation for her diabetes. It doesn’t make sense to me that this healthy looking 40 year old female has diabetes.”
    That 15 minute consultation and 5 minute blood work cost me $4800.00 too, much of which my insurance company refused to pay. This was the first doctor that ever made me pay IN FULL what the insurance discounted and/or denied.
    Needless to say…first and last visit!

  3. My favorite doctor’s line is as follows:
    Doc: You have type 1 diabetes?
    Patient: Yes
    Doc: You’re on insulin, right?
    Patient: How many type 1 patients can survive without insulin, doc?

  4. Early uses of rDNA synthetic insulin (Humulin) resulted in significant loss of early warning signals upon which I depended to counter insulin reactions (now called “hypoglycemic events”). Good control was never achieved, and A1c values climbed to nearly 7.0. Even though I was testing 8-12 times daily, I was still experiencing multiple insulin reactions–reactions that were more severe because the meter, not autonomous signalling (that occurs more quickly) became my ‘warning device.’ When I shared this information with my doctor . . . and told him I was also experiencing increased numbers of retinal hemorrhages, he “thoughtfully” pronounced the solution:

  5. Usually my endo’s lines are baffling to me, as if he doesn’t get how shifty the disease really is.
    For example, I went in this week and told him that I had a time a few weeks back and average 170 mg/dl for 30 days, but have been 126 since then. His response…
    “Is your meter old?”
    I tell him I’ve had to radically change by basal rates, then change them back over a period of two months. His response…
    “I wouldn’t be suprised if it was your pump acting up.”
    I tell him that I’m having issues with sites pulling out, and he responds…
    “Many of my patients find that shorter canulas work better and get fewer kinks. Do you want to talk to the CDE about getting some shorter ones?”
    Sometimes I wonder if he’s treating the same disease that I have!!

  6. Cara wrote “Several months ago my endo told me “you’re just obsessive”, when I questioned the reliability of his in-office, finger stick A1c test.”
    My response to that would have been, “Absolutely, you bet I am. Someone has to be, and evdently it’s not you . . . See ya!

  7. When I was first diagnosed, I went to the ER. My blood sugar was over 600 and the attending doctor looked at me and asked, “How long have you had diabetes? With control like this you should have been in here weeks ago.” I replied, “Well, seeing as that I have known that I had diabetes for two hours I guess I’m in the right place.” As a type 1, they sent me home with a prescription for metformin and was told not to eat sugar. Sometimes I wonder if ER doctors even know the difference between type 1 and type 2!

  8. My favorite comment was from my endo’s med tech. My endo has it all together so I don’t think she has actually said anything really stupid.
    But… last week while I was wearing the iPro (the doctor’s office version of the CGMS), I was complaining about not being approved for a real CGMS, and she says “why would you need one of those? You have a pump, right?”
    Umm… my pump doesn’t check my blood sugar. You know that, right?
    Now I am worried about the accuracy of just about everything that comes out of her mouth!

  9. When I broke my ankle I requested the ambulance take me to Methodist Hospital, where all my records are. I was in the ER and said I needed some insulin, and was told that the admitting internist would have to come down and authorize it. Imagine my surprise when I got there and it was my primary – I’d been going to him for 7 years.
    He came up to me and asked, “who is your primary?”. I told him “you are, and I just saw you last week”.
    Well, I was really ticked, but I came to conclude that docs see tons of patients every week and no one can expect to be recognized by sight. However……..this also means that he didn’t bother to look at my chart. Here he was, about to okay some insluin for a T1DM and had no idea of my history or current condition.

  10. On my first follow-up after getting my pump, my endo was very impressed that my A1C had already gone down instead of up while I learned the pump. But I told him I was still frustrated, because I put the expectation on myself that all my readings should be in range now that I was pumping. He laughed and said “You know that’s never going to happen, right?”. It was then that I realized part of the reason I stressed so much over endo appts was because I thought he expected my numbers to always be perfect. Knowing that he was realistic about it made me realize I should be too!

  11. Several months ago my endo told me “you’re just obsessive”, when I questioned the reliability of his in-office, finger stick A1c test. I felt it was reading between .3 and .5 lower than what it should be. It did offend me, but he ordered my next A1c through the lab. 🙂 So I’ll take what I can get I guess.

  12. “Have some of my Oreo stash while I go take care of this.”
    (resident ophthalmology doc, several years ago) Instant bonding with the diabetic…giving them Oreos! (no pre-harping of whats your bg, etc)
    Greatest eye doc E-VER.

  13. I don’t have diabetes but I work as a diabetes care manager. I’m around doctors and other health care providers all the time. The one that gets me came from the nurse practitioner that I work with. She is notoriously lacking in filters between her brain and her mouth, but I had to say something when she kept asking our patients with diabetes if they wanted to meet with the “diabetic lady”.

  14. Well you probably remember this.
    I told him, “I don’t know what the heck I am doing wrong! I check before each meal and I seem to go up and down and up and down and I have no clue why!”
    He said (I swear), “Well, that doesn’t mean you F***** up, you may just be the kind of diabetic that fluctuates. It is not your fault!”
    Yup, Doctor F Bomb wins for me.

  15. The best line ever was at my cardiologist’s office. His nurses didn’t like the vein I pointed out as being the best for blood draws. They stuck me five times with several nurses trying and finally called the doctor in. I explained to him which vein was the best and he hit it first time.
    Then he turned to the nurses and said, “And that’s why we listen to the patient.”
    How did I respond? Hmmm… I gloated for 25 years?

  16. “Melissa, you work longer hours and eat more chocolate than I do. I’m the doctor and you’re the diabetic. You don’t see anything wrong with this?”
    —current endo when I was a new patient, good-natured jab that sobered me up a bit. I quit one of my jobs and cut back on the candy consumption.
    “You know, you don’t have to get fat to become an opera singer.”
    —jab from my college endo when I was a voice major and struggling with compliance. I was only about 25 lbs overweight but sensitive about it. 3 months later, at my next visit, my endo began with “apparently, I owe you an apology.” According to the doc, my surly old vocal coach (a type 2) had come in for his appointment a few weeks after mine and bawled him out for making that comment to me.
    This next one, I was 10 years old, just diagnosed DKA. The pediatric endo was checking for neurological problems:
    Endo: “Who’s Roger Staubach?”
    10-year-old-Me: “Uh, I don’t know.”
    Endo: [concerned face, turns to my mom]
    Mom: [chuckling] “She’s ten and doesn’t follow football. Ask her who Madonna is.”
    For the next eight years, “who’s Roger Staubach?” was a running joke between the good doc and me.