What if I’m just not feeling it?

Don’t worry, I’m not talking about my diabetes management.  At least, not directly.  I’m still doing all the “D” stuff (insulin, checking, counting, confusing, etc.)

I’m talking about playing basketball.

I haven’t played since 2/12/09.  And I don’t miss it.  What’s up with that?

I find that I’m not really sure what to do about it.  If I force myself too much will I completely spaz out and rebel hardcore against it?  If I allow myself too much slack will I stay stuck in a mode of not going?

Maybe taking a break every now and then is alright?  Or maybe not?

I’m trying to explore why I’m not feeling into it.  I know that if I would just go and do it, that I’ll have fun and feel better, so what’s stopping me from going?  I just don’t get it.

My first thoughts are that it is nothing to do with the basketball itself, but rather all of the baggage that goes with it, both “diabetically” and logistically.  As good as exercise is for you, it adds a WHOLE BUNCH of extra work and unpredictability to your diabetes management.  And that affects my motivation to do all of the logistical stuff (get my gear washed, packed, and with me, get my work stuff situated before and after, the whole locker room thing, etc.).

It’s all bullshit excuses that I’m using to justify to myself that it is alright to skip it.  I know this, but it doesn’t make me feel bad (which isn’t the best way to do it either).

I guess I’m trying to be a little more gentle and forgiving of myself, and I don’t want to force myself into doing something I’m not really into.  At least not yet…

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Scott K. Johnson

Patient voice, speaker, writer, and advocate. Living life with diabetes and telling my story. All opinions expressed are my own and do not necessarily represent the position of my employer.

Diagnosed in April of 1980, I recognize the incredible mental struggle of living with diabetes. Read more…