• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • About
  • A1Cs
  • Contact
  • Archives
  • Taming The Tiger
Scott's Diabetes

Scott's Diabetes

Helping you see your strength

Making The Same Mistakes

May 4, 2009 By Scott K. Johnson 21 Comments

I’ve been wresting with myself the past few days.

I did something I knew very well I shouldn’t.  In fact I did it three times.  And each time I was miserable and scared afterward.  And once I was done being scared I felt guilty.

Mistakes in life happen, and are necessary.  We need to make mistakes in order to learn.  We are supposed to learn from our mistakes, and then not repeat them if possible.  Sometimes it takes a few times for the lesson to sink in, and sometimes the scenarios change a little bit, forcing us to translate the experience a little bit in order to learn from it.

But I’ve made this mistake so many times in my life, and just don’t know why I keep doing it again and again.  Without diabetes it would be unhealthy.  But with diabetes is it downright dangerous.

The details of this mistake might not matter much, and it can all be thrown in to the “binge eating” bucket.  This particular binge eating bucket was full of melted Velveeta cheese and tortilla chips, which I know damn well causes me a lot of problems with my blood sugar — both up front and hours (and hours) later.

Fooling myself into thinking that I might be able to indulge AND manage my blood sugars, I took a crapload of insulin.  Then I ate until I couldn’t stuff another cheese covered chip into my mouth.  No counting, no measuring, no thinking.  Just eating (and eating and eating).

My blood sugars were a mess for the rest of the day.  I had started a wild and reckless swing of ups and downs, highs and lows, and a lot of emotions about my failing to control my impulses.  It’s just chips and cheese.  How could I let something so stupid invade my (hole-filled) fortress of self-control?

But here is what is more crazy.  I did this exact same thing three times in three days.  It was as if I knew I needed to get rid of it all so it wouldn’t temp me again – except instead of just throwing it away I ate it all, in two separate sittings.  What the heck is THAT all about?

InsertBrainHere

I don’t understand what goes on in my head sometimes.  Why do I think it is alright to get so reckless?  No, that’s not the right question.  Why do I get so reckless when I KNOW it is not alright?

Filed Under: Blog Posts, Food Tagged With: Binge Eating, Eating Disorders

guest
guest

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

21 Comments
Newest
Oldest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments

Primary Sidebar

Image of Scott K. Johnson
Scott K. Johnson

About Scott

Patient voice, speaker, writer, advocate. Living life with diabetes and telling my story. Patient Success Manager, USA for mySugr (All opinions expressed are my own and do not necessarily represent the position of my employer).

Diagnosed in April of 1980, I recognize the incredible mental struggle of living with diabetes. Read more…

Facebook | Twitter | LinkedIn

Tweets by scottkjohnson

Footer

DISCLAIMER & POLICIES
I am not a medical professional. Nothing on this site is medical advice and is not meant to replace medical advice. Contact your doctor for questions about your health. All opinions expressed are my own and do not necessarily represent the position of my employer

Here are my advertising policies, disclosures & guidelines, privacy information, and terms & conditions.

  • The Candy in My Pocket with John Robert Wiltgen
  • Why is my hand so sticky?
  • He was the best I could ask for
  • #ScottsDeathRide 💀🚴‍♂️ – I rode 103.3 miles through Death Valley!
  • #ScottsDeathRide 💀🚴‍♂️ – weeks 13-15 – In a RUT!

Copyright © 2021

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Cookie settingsACCEPT
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are as essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled

Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.

SAVE & ACCEPT